What Prince Harry Feels Is Still ‘Missing’ From His Life in America

On Christmas Day, King Charles III and his wife, Queen Camilla, led the royal family to and from St. Mary Magdalene Church for the annual Sandringham walk. Prince William and Princess Kate followed with their three children, Prince George, 12, Princess Charlotte, 10, and Prince Louis, 7, who warmly engaged with members of the public, politely shaking hands and accepting gifts. Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice were also in attendance, smiling alongside their husbands on the crisp, picture-perfect morning.

More than 5,000 miles away in sunny California, Prince Harry spent the holiday with his wife, Meghan Markle, and kids, Archie, 6, and Lilibet, 4. It marked his seventh year of absence from U.K. festivities, and he feels the sting. “I miss the weird family gatherings when we’re all sort of brought together under one roof for certain times of the year. That I miss,” he told the BBC in May. Adds royal author Christopher Andersen: “Does it pain Harry to be pointedly excluded from times when the royal family gets together, like Christmas at Sandringham? Of course it does.”

Harry, 41, has made a new life for himself with Meghan, 44, in the exclusive enclave of Montecito, where they bought their $14.6 million mansion in 2020. He’s taken up surfing and has been photographed riding his bike on local streets and playing fetch with his black lab, Pula, on the beach. But he remains torn between two worlds. “On one level, Harry is content in California,” says Andersen, noting that on another, he must regret that “neither he nor his children are sharing in their royal heritage.”

There’s much to love about his new lifestyle, away from royal rules and 24/7 surveillance. “Harry is so happy living in the private world,” a source tells Us Weekly. “Even though he was raised [as a royal], he was never comfortable in that environment. He feels more like himself here.” The source says the constraints of the monarchy could be tough on Harry. “He had this crazy schedule and would come back through the palace gates and couldn’t go out or have a personal life.”

But freedom has come at a cost. One year after Harry and Meghan left their royal posts in 2020, he was stripped of his honorary military titles. (He served 10 years in the British Army between 2005 and 2015.) “That was extremely difficult because the military was a big part of his life,” says the source. Andersen adds that being stripped of his military titles was “painful” for Harry to endure, and notes that the Invictus Games — which the prince founded in 2014 to honor wounded soldiers — “has allowed him to stay connected to that world, and has been a lifeline for him.”

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His royal responsibilities gave him structure and purpose. “People often forget that Harry is at his core an army officer,” says Andersen. “He’s all about structure, honor and duty — things that are missing from his life in Montecito.” Adds royal historian Marlene Koenig: “Harry’s life was far more structured in the U.K. He had responsibilities and official events to attend.”

He and Meghan have been trying to find their professional footing in the States since their arrival. In August, their multimillion-dollar Netflix partnership was downgraded to a first-look deal. He’s been booking speaking gigs, including one at a real estate conference in Ontario, Canada, in early December. Meghan’s With Love, Meghan Netflix series debuted last March (there’s no word yet on a third season) and her As Ever lifestyle line launched last April. Their 11th publicist recently resigned, and their head of Archewell Philanthropies announced his departure in late December. “Although Harry hasn’t settled into a permanent position,” says Koenig, “he’s spending time with his young children and being a hands-on dad. Meghan is the breadwinner.”

While the source says the glare of the Hollywood spotlight is nothing new for Harry, Andersen says he’s still “somewhat uneasy with it,” adding, “he has suffered from crippling social anxiety. Meghan embraces that life more.”

His inner circle has changed. “I miss my friends,” he told the BBC in May, adding, “I’ve lost a few friends in this process.” Koenig says some of Harry’s former pals remain loyal to William and that he’s no longer close with his one-time wingman Tom Inskip. (There are reports they reconciled.) “A few old pals have dropped off,” says Andersen, “but several remain in touch, and Harry is immensely grateful for their loyalty.”

Prince Harry and King Charles III's Ups and Downs Through the Years

Harry’s heartbroken his children aren’t closer with his family members, and that they don’t have a strong connection to England. “The things that [my kids are] going to miss is, well, everything,” he told the BBC last spring, adding, “I love my country, I always have done… and I think that it’s really quite sad that I won’t be able to show my children my homeland.”

In May 2024, Harry lost a legal battle for security for himself and his family in the U.K. This January, The Mail on Sunday reported that, after review, the Sussexes would be allowed government-funded protection after all. (A spokesperson for the Sussexes told Us they “don’t comment on security matters.”) Harry, says Andersen, “wants Archie and Lilibet to get to know their British relatives, especially their grandfather… [and] their cousins, but he can’t make that happen unilaterally. They’re learning about Britain in small doses,” Andersen adds of the kids, “but make no mistake, they’re growing up Californians.”

Regardless of where Harry feels he truly belongs, the public still holds him to royal standards. “He’s aware of the optics, but he’s trying not to worry about it because he isn’t a working royal,” says the source, noting that it seems unfair for Harry to abide by standards set by them. He was criticized for attending Kris Jenner’s star-studded 70th birthday bash in November because it took place the night before Remembrance Day in the U.K.; he and Meghan reportedly later requested Kris and her daughter Kim Kardashian remove photos of them at the party from their social media feeds. “He wasn’t as concerned about it as the royals were,” says the source. Adds Andersen: “Harry wore a poppy to the party in honor of fallen veterans. [This is] another example of how practically anything the Sussexes do is blown out of proportion.”

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He wishes he didn’t have to choose between his old life and his new one. The source says that despite his September sit-down with Charles (who announced in December that his cancer treatment is being reduced), Harry has no intention of returning to the royal fold full-time, but would be happy to step in when needed. (The source says that things between Harry and Charles “are going in a good direction.” Andersen says William and Harry remain estranged.)

“Harry has always said the door remains open to some sort of relationship with the royal family,” Andersen adds. “Meghan’s focused on their life in Montecito, but he’s holding out hope that he can eventually divide his time between California and the U.K.”

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